Drinking Liberally in Brandon, Florida

What's the definition of a real conservative?
I agree with conservative fiscal policies, limiting the reach of government & respect of civil liberties. But according to one of my brother-in-laws, that's not conservative.
WTF?
O.K. he's a Fox "News" watcher from North Carolina that got screwed out of his share of a business he helped build.
To some, the racist past Dixiecrats are conservative. Some say preserve our Christian heritage by oppressing gays. Some are authoritarian that would follow Commander Codpiece W off a cliff (well, not actually, or they would be enlisting for his great Iraqi adventure).
So, who is the conservative?